Getting rid of the Solara...

[wkbrdr91]

No one will like this post:

Hate your Dad all you want, but I think his motives are for your own good. You just don't see it yet. Stop and try to see how your situation is going to change the course of your life. Yes, right now is a critical moment that will determine a chain of events yet to come.

1) Look at your current interests and priorities in life. It seems to be girlfriend and car. How much time do you spend with her? How much time do your spend working on your car? For the remaining time, how much time do you spend on SolaraGuy?

2) Your grades were excellent in High School. That doesn't come without hard work so we know you are capable. What University are you attending now? What are you studying What are your career plans? What are your dreams?

In #1, if you honestly answered more than 20% of your time goes to these activities ... then you need to stop and rethink what is important right now.

In #2, if you are not in school right now, then your Dad needs to kick your butt. (Sorry, I didn't read all 5 pages of this thread) You are getting sucked into the free life and enjoying things waaayyyy too early in life.

3) Girlfriend: Dude, you're 18. Even if she's Jenna Jamison, you need to let her go to school and keep the relationship casual. Her family is close by. You will see her again. If you chase her across the country, you fall into a trap that you need to avoid. (More on that in a second.)

4) Getting another car is a burden you don't need right now. You mentioned getting a loan. You plan to get a job in Colorado just to pay for your car? How about rent / housing? Food? Insurance? Gas? Lift tickets? So what time is left for school? Can you afford tuition and books now?


My cold hard advice which I hope you take to heart.
1) Take advantage of his willingness to pay for school. Stay local since you have soooo much offered to you. (House, car, insurance, food, other financial assistance ...) Don't be dumb and proud. School loans choke you for decades to come and the interest you pay is huge. You want to be proud? Offer to pay your Dad back for school bills paid without interest.

2) Get rid of the Solara. (Yes I am saying that.) You love it too much as evidenced by the time spent on it, your CarDomain page and time spend on here. Tell you Dad that you agree it is a distraction on what is important in life. Trade it in on a new Corolla. (Base model with no options.) You need a vehicle that is basic transportation, not something that you will be tempted to modify.

3) Avoid the "L" word while you are in school. Yes, that is "Love." Girls will come and go. By keeping things casual and non-exclusive, you will avoid the traps that can ruin lives. Sounds a bit extreme, I know.

Typical circumstances lead to typical events. College lovers move in together. Rent is shared. Furniture is purchased together. A new car is purchased. One quits school to get a job to pay for the car, rent in a bigger place, etc. The other eventually quits school because they want more stuff. Life seems great so they become engaged. (Not having spent time with others before settling down.) School gets lost because of full time jobs. Night school takes decades till you quit. You end up living in lower middleclass with no college degree and a mountain of bills. Maybe she will stay with you or she will leave and resent you for how life has turned out.

Don't laugh at it. It happens more often that you think. Ask folks what degree they have and then what job they are working. Circumstances change the course in peoples lives without them actually acknowledging it.

You are at a point where you can see the circumstances before they happen. Think 10 to 20 years down the road and focus on where you want to be in life. As each choice in life is presented to you, think about if it will get you closer to that goal or further away.

Talk this over with your Dad. Looking at the house, he must have done well so he probably knows what I am talking about. If you get his help and buy-in to your dreams, he will help make sure you get there. I can say that the mind-games and controlling tactics are just going to push you in the wrong direction. Don't let his mistake become yours.

I think you have me viewed in an extreme way, i really dont see my girlfriend that much, ill see her friday nights and saturday nights, and occasionally ill go to her basketball games and we will grab dinner afterwards if we have time. and i usually never see her on sundays at all, but im starting to go to church with her, so i get to see her for the 3 hours that we are at church. she also refuses to live with anyone before getting married, its strongly against her beliefs, and we both would NEVER not finish school.

and for time spent on my car.... we have paid people to do most of the work on it, we spent about 2 hours or so installing the subwoofers, an hour setting up all the horns, and about 10 minutes setting up the lights. everything else we had done professionally.

and im NOT getting rid of the Solara for a corolla, but even if i did, i would end up caring for the car just as much, getting rid of the solara wont change things for me, i love cars, simple as that.

and about the whole college thing, if i can get scolarships to pay for most of my expenses ill go with her, but only for 2 years, then im moving to Denver for law school, and yes costs will be extremely high, but my dad is willing to pay (tuition alone is 50 thousand, the college i am going to for undergrad is 17 thousand, and right now i have a 8 thousand dollar scholarship there)

[Midias]

Denver for law school, and yes costs will be extremely high, but my dad is willing to pay (tuition alone is 50 thousand, the college i am going to for undergrad is 17 thousand, and right now i have a 8 thousand dollar scholarship there)

Wait your dad is going to put down well over $100k for your school and you are complaining about him not giving you a car?

[wkbrdr91]

Denver for law school, and yes costs will be extremely high, but my dad is willing to pay (tuition alone is 50 thousand, the college i am going to for undergrad is 17 thousand, and right now i have a 8 thousand dollar scholarship there)

Wait your dad is going to put down well over $100k for your school and you are complaining about him not giving you a car?

I guess i should have mentioned the fact that ive tried to buy my OWN car multiple times (5), which he has blocked, saying theres no reason cause i have the Solara and that i can use it anytime as long as im at his house for that week (parents divorced)...

[DriDed]

Wait your dad is going to put down well over $100k for your school and you are complaining about him not giving you a car?

I don't think anyone will agree with me but the one of the parents job is to provide for their kids which includes education.

For me I paid for the first 2 years of my education in college, my parents helped out with the tuition while I paid for the books (which imo is more expensive than the tuition cost ayahhh, $400 per book purchase ayahhh)

If I was a dad and my kid needed to go to college, I would do the same thing for my kids that my parents did for me.

[BadAngel]

Alright as hard as it may seem.. I really see what phreakedOut is saying here. Instead of contradicting him and trying to disprove what he says, just take a couple of minutes to reread what he has said, multiple times and really ask yourself how wrong is he? I honestly do not see much particularly wrong with most of his post, as it could have been applied to me 6 months to a year ago. Believe me if someone had told me that then I would have done the same thing and tried to justify myself, but now that I look back on my relationships and how I treated life before college, I see that he and others who have said the same things are completely right.

As hard as it may seem to do just keep what PhreakedOut has said in the back of your mind. That is genuine advice that can only be given by someone who himself has acquired it through life experience and circumstance.

[PhreakdOut]

I think you have me viewed in an extreme way, i really dont see my girlfriend that much, ill see her friday nights and saturday nights, and occasionally ill go to her basketball games and we will grab dinner afterwards if we have time. and i usually never see her on sundays at all, but im starting to go to church with her, so i get to see her for the 3 hours that we are at church. she also refuses to live with anyone before getting married, its strongly against her beliefs, and we both would NEVER not finish school.

and for time spent on my car.... we have paid people to do most of the work on it, we spent about 2 hours or so installing the subwoofers, an hour setting up all the horns, and about 10 minutes setting up the lights. everything else we had done professionally.

and im NOT getting rid of the Solara for a corolla, but even if i did, i would end up caring for the car just as much, getting rid of the solara wont change things for me, i love cars, simple as that.

and about the whole college thing, if i can get scolarships to pay for most of my expenses ill go with her, but only for 2 years, then im moving to Denver for law school, and yes costs will be extremely high, but my dad is willing to pay (tuition alone is 50 thousand, the college i am going to for undergrad is 17 thousand, and right now i have a 8 thousand dollar scholarship there)

Sounds like you've convinced yourself that you're doing the right thing. With all the whining about the car being taken away, I had you pegged for being a little spoiled. Silly me.

High School is over and you're a man now. Talk to your Father as a man. Tell him what you want to do in life. Tell him your plan to get there. Then listen to him. Take his feedback to heart. He's probably been in your shoes at some point in his life. Do this and he will see that you are a man now. (Trust me that he will see no need to "take" things away like you would do to a child.)

My daughter is 4 years behind you so I am at the point in life where I can see things from your Dad's perspective. He's really not trying to screw with your head. He's struggling to find a way to get your attention.

Good luck with your situation. I think you're going to need it.

[PhreakdOut]

Alright as hard as it may seem.. I really see what phreakedOut is saying here. Instead of contradicting him and trying to disprove what he says, just take a couple of minutes to reread what he has said, multiple times and really ask yourself how wrong is he? I honestly do not see much particularly wrong with most of his post, as it could have been applied to me 6 months to a year ago. Believe me if someone had told me that then I would have done the same thing and tried to justify myself, but now that I look back on my relationships and how I treated life before college, I see that he and others who have said the same things are completely right.

As hard as it may seem to do just keep what PhreakedOut has said in the back of your mind. That is genuine advice that can only be given by someone who himself has acquired it through life experience and circumstance.

Damn, thanks for the comments. Sorry you had to learn it too. Don't feel bad, I wouldn't have this advice if I hadn't experienced it for myself. Life's a bitch isn't it. I too, wish I had listened to those who tried to tell me. I didn't have the opportunities Micheal has had. Through High School, I was living with my single mom who was dying of Leukemia. She couldn't afford to pay for college while living on disability so I worked during the day and went to night school on my own dime. After a year in college, she died and I had to completely support myself. Circumstances led to an office job that turned into a career. (With no time for night school.)

I saw this event coming while in High School. I didn't fight for scholarships or go away to school and rack up huge student loans. Nope, instead I started enjoying my new salary and got a better car, nicer clothes, hanging out with friends and enjoying life. A few years later I ended up getting married, having a kid and life seemed to accelerate from there. All it takes are a few small distractions to completely change the course of your life.

When you take a path like I did, none of your successes just fall in your lap. I still haven't finished school. I was studying mechanical engineering but none of the night schools had a complete program that could be completed at night. Ultimately I would have to take day classes which was impossible when you have a career.

I made the best of it and studied what I needed for my career on my own. I became an engineer designing exhaust systems. I was a co-inventor on patent # 5936210 for a performance muffler. Ended up designing OE exhaust systems for Toyota. Later I would be managing the business unit with $120M in sales to Toyota and now I am a manager for a huge Japanese company importing / exporting hundreds of millions of dollars in products all over the world. I've been to Japan 18 times, China half a dozen times, England, Scotland, France, Germany, Mexico, Korea .... not bad for someone who hadn't finished college. The difference is I took charge of the circumstances that I saw coming. I had a plan. I would have missed every opportunity if I didn't have a plan.

Sorry for the long post again ... In short, looking back ... if there was a single pivotal point in my life where I felt like I came to a fork in the road, it would have been in the early college years. Although I wouldn't recognize this point until 15 years later. By then, everything is already set in motion and it's nearly impossible to change.

[wkbrdr91]

I think you have me viewed in an extreme way, i really dont see my girlfriend that much, ill see her friday nights and saturday nights, and occasionally ill go to her basketball games and we will grab dinner afterwards if we have time. and i usually never see her on sundays at all, but im starting to go to church with her, so i get to see her for the 3 hours that we are at church. she also refuses to live with anyone before getting married, its strongly against her beliefs, and we both would NEVER not finish school.

and for time spent on my car.... we have paid people to do most of the work on it, we spent about 2 hours or so installing the subwoofers, an hour setting up all the horns, and about 10 minutes setting up the lights. everything else we had done professionally.

and im NOT getting rid of the Solara for a corolla, but even if i did, i would end up caring for the car just as much, getting rid of the solara wont change things for me, i love cars, simple as that.

and about the whole college thing, if i can get scolarships to pay for most of my expenses ill go with her, but only for 2 years, then im moving to Denver for law school, and yes costs will be extremely high, but my dad is willing to pay (tuition alone is 50 thousand, the college i am going to for undergrad is 17 thousand, and right now i have a 8 thousand dollar scholarship there)

Sounds like you've convinced yourself that you're doing the right thing. With all the whining about the car being taken away, I had you pegged for being a little spoiled. Silly me.

High School is over and you're a man now. Talk to your Father as a man. Tell him what you want to do in life. Tell him your plan to get there. Then listen to him. Take his feedback to heart. He's probably been in your shoes at some point in his life. Do this and he will see that you are a man now. (Trust me that he will see no need to "take" things away like you would do to a child.)

My daughter is 4 years behind you so I am at the point in life where I can see things from your Dad's perspective. He's really not trying to screw with your head. He's struggling to find a way to get your attention.

Good luck with your situation. I think you're going to need it.

Im not sure if that comment was meant to be sarcastic or not (about me being spoiled), but if it was, you missed the part where multiple times i tried to purchase my OWN car, i dont want to be given stuff, my parents pay for absolutely nothing (including clothes) except for that car that they let me use. and i honestly have tried to buy my own, including my dads 2002 yukon when he sold it, but my parents wouldnt let me. i dont take the car as something that i just deserve, i am grateful that they provide me with it, but all i want is stability, i wasn't making that threat to complain, i was making it for advice in choosing a new car like many other members on here have.

[wkbrdr91]

ok so, now that its been a while, my dad told me that he really was going to sell the car, but decided to give me more time.

Now, my neighbor owns a couple Ford dealerships, so i talked to them and they are gonna help hook me up with a Ford Edge (thats what im wanting right now, as im moving up north to snow, ill want the AWD) heres what mine will look like

http://www.cardomain.com/ride/3188982

[DriDed]

ok so, now that its been a while, my dad told me that he really was going to sell the car, but decided to give me more time.

Now, my neighbor owns a couple Ford dealerships, so i talked to them and they are gonna help hook me up with a Ford Edge (thats what im wanting right now, as im moving up north to snow, ill want the AWD) heres what mine will look like

http://www.cardomain.com/ride/3188982

Good choice, I hear they are pretty powerful with that V6 engine.

So I guess that means you will be leaving the Solara community...........PARTY TIME AWOOOO!!!!






































JP haha, have fun in college its way better than high school experience.